Have you ever seen images of kittens online and thought, that’s just adorable! How cute! Oh, my mom/sister/best friend/wedding designer/salon stylist would LOVE that!
Maybe you saw an image like this and emailed it to twenty of your best friends:
Isn't this kitten just adorable?
Or maybe it was an image of a kitten and a puppy sleeping together, like this:
But really, you should ask yourself, have you been spending ENOUGH time looking for kittens on the internet?
Have you checked You Tube? Or the funny kitten site? You’re a member of that one, right?
Personally, I don’t think you’ve been spending nearly enough time online checking out kittens. You could be spending MUCH more. I think you should spend three hours a day looking for these adorable kitten images if you are reeeally dedicated. Anything less isn’t showing a proper level of commitment.
And just because I keep inserting the kitten images I could find within two minutes into this blog post:
doesn’t mean you couldn’t have done a better job if you are willing to make the commitment.
And frankly, let’s face it, you’re the type of person who could easily set aside three hours a day to this task, don’t you think? I mean, your goldfish died a week ago, your dog ran away last year, and now all you have left are these electronic images of kittens to brighten your day. It’s sad, I agree, but I’m not here to judge you.
Hmmm. On second thought, don’t bother with the kittens. I don’t think they will help you. You might be beyond that now. But, you do need help.
I’m your friend, and as your friend, I’m telling you, you need to stop spending so much time on the internet looking at pictures of kittens. You need to wean yourself off this activity. (You see what I did just there?)
I recommend a decreasing amount of time looking at kitten pictures each day. Start out with your normal amount, unless you typically exceed three hours, then just start with the three hours. After that, each day decrease the amount by a half an hour.
Within a week you’ll be spending a LOT less time on that and much more time eating salty snacks and watching bad television. Isn’t that so much better?
Salty snacks are delicious, and they don’t take any time to find. You just go right to the grocery store and look for the giant salty snack isle supported by the same conglomerates that brought you sugary cereal and frozen pizza rolls. In fifteen minutes you can get your recommended weekly dietary intake of chips, pretzels, or if you are in a country other than the good ol’ United States CRISPS. Of course, it’s not really the salty snack intake that’s the problem so much as deciding how bad your bad television should be.
I mean, should it be The Housewives of Argentinian dictators bad? Or maybe you prefer to watch people that Hoard electronic pictures of kittens and decaying meat in their refrigerator, I don’t know? You could consider watching The Best Chef who makes Desserts in fifteen minutes out of squid while being screamed at, now that’s entertainment! If you’re not into any of that, you can watch the fishing soap opera channel, or the people that spin a big wheel and try to guess whether or not the host has a toupee. The possibilities are truly endless.
I’m sorry, I got off topic, didn’t I? This post was supposed to be about how people can be so easily distracted by mundane ca-ca everyday and blithely spend all their time doing it.
So, if you’re spending your day distracted by ca-ca, stop it. Stop it immediately.
Go out and buy a book. Or two even. No, no… you could do that, but it’s only a temporary fix.
The best use of your time would be spent reading my blog. Yeah, that’s it. Subscribe today why dontcha?
Be forewarned though, future kitten pictures will be severely rationed, but on the up side, the dress code is casual.
Filed under: Blog post, Humor, Inspiration, Writing | Tagged: catty, humor, snark | 4 Comments »