EFT: It’s Calling From Inside The House!

I have an evil presence in my home. It is calling from my refrigerator right now, laughing at me. Taunting me. Daring me to eat it.


Will I actually injest this nefarious substance in the name of … D..d.d… di…. *cough, cough,* eating healthier?


You duped me into buying you at the Korean grocery. I saw that coy look you gave me as you sat on the shelf beside the packaged Soba noodles.

Go on, you said, I don’t cost much. Don’t you like my pretty packaging?

NO…must…not…. I thought, but my resolve was already weakening.

Ahaha, you reply, you WILL eat me and you’ll learn to like it! You want to reduce your animal protein intake right? Well you still need protein and I’m a great source.

Ugh, I answer, disgusted with myself. You’re right. I know I have to do it, for my own good.

You were smug with victory as I put you in my basket.



All you health nut types have been eating Tofu for years. (Then again you probably drink wheat grass juice too, so there is no help for you whatsoever.)

You’ve stir fried it, you’ve put it in soups, hell you’ve even made tofu cheesecake out of it. (Gross, I say!) You and your evil minions have made Tofu a ubiquitous high protein staple, available to any innocent person walking down the isles of a local Korean grocery (and plenty of other shops; your distribution knows no bounds.)

I have purchased Extra Firm Tofu (hereafter referred to as EFT) in the hopes of frying it and maintaining enough shape (cubes?) to get a sear on it.

When I asked the lady at the Korean grocery how to prepare EFT, like do I marinate it, dump soy or oyster sauce on it, she says just cook it with whatever else I’m cooking and it will pick up the flavors of the rest of the dish.

I’m not sure how this is going to come out, but here are the ingredients I’ve got. I’m thinking of putting into this EFT dish. See, I don’t think of it as any other kind of dish since it will be contaminated by the EFT, but I’m TRYING damn it!

– EFT (god help me)

– Veggies: scallions, bok choy, water chestnuts, bamboo shoots, shitake mushrooms, celery

– Soba noodles

– Sauce(s): I have oyster sauce, soy sauce, sesame oil

– Fresh ground black pepper

– Sesame seeds?

Anybody that cooks Tofu out there, please, for the sake of all that is holy, put an encouraging comment below on how to cook this menace and make it taste good.

The future of my waistline may depend upon your kindness, stranger.

4 Responses

  1. Uh – you either like it or you don’t. I prefer the EFT – good choice. Not to throw soy sauce on your non-animal protein dreams, but I’ve recently read reports about soy being dangerous because of modern food processing techniques. Sigh. I know, and brown rice is irradiated. I filed it under the “to be investigated thouroughly when I have the time” section of my brain, and I haven’t gotten to it yet. I’m sure one batch of tofu won’t be terrible, there’s soy protein in everything out there that’s probably much worse.
    On that dreary note, I actually do like tofu. You have a set of respectable ingrediants there, and if you fry it up, it should be fine. And remember, garlic salt makes everything edible – that is all.

    • Say what re: Soy Sauce? No, no, no, no… soy sauce is bottled goodness I tell you. It tastes NICE. Please don’t kill my soy sauce.

      And what’s this about brown rice being irradiated? You know, is ANY part of our food production system untainted anymore? (No, not really is the unfortunate answer…)

      For the record, the EFT I bought IS ORGANIC. I try, whenever possible, to purchase organic foodstuffs, especially when something comes in a package with an ingredient list (as opposed to scallions, which need no ingredient list, but I’d still buy them organic too when possible)

      It’s funny, I was thinking I should put garlic on my list of ingredients (not necessarily garlic salt, but actual garlic…) I don’t think I have garlic salt in the house. Another item for my grocery list and pantry!

      • Garlic solves everything…;-)
        And you’re right – I wonder all the time about our food supply. I’m making a determined effort to buy from the farmer’s market this summer, and at least have one season’s worth of locally organically grown produce.

        • Garlic is also a natural disinfectant too…which can help kill off any germs in food.

          Buying from farmer’s markets is my addiction, I swear. It’s easy to do in the summer, but in the winter when the fresh produce pickings are slim, back we all go to the supermarket.

          It’s very hard to eat with the seasons when you like variety.

          Barbara Kingsolver wrote a book (can’t remember the name of it right now) where she and her family only ate what they grew or very local for a year. It was extremely tough for them, and very hard on her kids when she had to say NO to fresh fruit during the winter, and NO altogether to bananas because they would never be sourced locally enough to eat them.

          I’m not that dedicated a local eater…but I do believe local farmers have great product and are worth supporting.

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