EFT: It’s Calling From Inside The House!

I have an evil presence in my home. It is calling from my refrigerator right now, laughing at me. Taunting me. Daring me to eat it.


Will I actually injest this nefarious substance in the name of … D..d.d… di…. *cough, cough,* eating healthier?


You duped me into buying you at the Korean grocery. I saw that coy look you gave me as you sat on the shelf beside the packaged Soba noodles.

Go on, you said, I don’t cost much. Don’t you like my pretty packaging?

NO…must…not…. I thought, but my resolve was already weakening.

Ahaha, you reply, you WILL eat me and you’ll learn to like it! You want to reduce your animal protein intake right? Well you still need protein and I’m a great source.

Ugh, I answer, disgusted with myself. You’re right. I know I have to do it, for my own good.

You were smug with victory as I put you in my basket.



All you health nut types have been eating Tofu for years. (Then again you probably drink wheat grass juice too, so there is no help for you whatsoever.)

You’ve stir fried it, you’ve put it in soups, hell you’ve even made tofu cheesecake out of it. (Gross, I say!) You and your evil minions have made Tofu a ubiquitous high protein staple, available to any innocent person walking down the isles of a local Korean grocery (and plenty of other shops; your distribution knows no bounds.)

I have purchased Extra Firm Tofu (hereafter referred to as EFT) in the hopes of frying it and maintaining enough shape (cubes?) to get a sear on it.

When I asked the lady at the Korean grocery how to prepare EFT, like do I marinate it, dump soy or oyster sauce on it, she says just cook it with whatever else I’m cooking and it will pick up the flavors of the rest of the dish.

I’m not sure how this is going to come out, but here are the ingredients I’ve got. I’m thinking of putting into this EFT dish. See, I don’t think of it as any other kind of dish since it will be contaminated by the EFT, but I’m TRYING damn it!

– EFT (god help me)

– Veggies: scallions, bok choy, water chestnuts, bamboo shoots, shitake mushrooms, celery

– Soba noodles

– Sauce(s): I have oyster sauce, soy sauce, sesame oil

– Fresh ground black pepper

– Sesame seeds?

Anybody that cooks Tofu out there, please, for the sake of all that is holy, put an encouraging comment below on how to cook this menace and make it taste good.

The future of my waistline may depend upon your kindness, stranger.